Happiness is usually misunderstood. What it is and how to achieve it is probably one of the most disputed topics in history. I believe that media often complicates the issue by giving people unrealistic goals towards finding happiness. I have seen the full range of possibilities in the media, from the perfect families and lifestyles of early television like the Cleavers where happiness seemed inevitable, to the modern sitcom that portrays life as endless problems that you just have to live with. Life is somewhere in between.
If you look for happiness in a place, you are likely to discover that your idea of another place is not what you imagined it would be and therefore, it does not make you happy in itself. I have known many people who thought that moving was the way to cure their unhappiness, especially when a relationship ends. I have never met anyone that found true happiness because of moving to a new place unless they discovered the key to happiness at the same time. This does not mean that moving cannot improve your quality of life, but it is not a cure-all and in itself does not guarantee any level of happiness. A new place can be very lonely if it is not filled with people who love you.
If you look for happiness in material things, you are bound to be disappointed. Purchasing something you want does not guarantee happiness for several reasons. Purchase gratification is short lived. We often are persuaded by advertising that we want something and after we buy it, we don’t use it because we really didn’t want it, we just thought we did because advertisers are very skilled at creating desire. Some people pursue wealth because they think it is where happiness presides, but the old saying that “the more you have, the more you need” tends to cause such continual stress that it actually prevents happiness. Some people turn to food for happiness, but then they become fat and unhealthy which does not make anyone happy. Material things cannot make you truly happy because happiness is spiritual, not material.
If you pursue happiness in another person, you will find that type of happiness tends to leave as quickly as it comes into your life because it is dependent on another person. Even people who get along very well tend to have disagreements. When we fall in love, our happiness is based on our tendency to only look at the good side of a person. Therefore, we usually overreact to conflict and tear down all of the good in the relationship over time because our expectations of love are unrealistic. Expectations are a poison that prevents happiness and peace of mind. We cannot control other people. We can only control our own thoughts and most people don’t even do that.
If you look for happiness in some perfect philosophy, you will likely be disappointed because perfection is a concept that is as misunderstood as happiness. In most things in life, perfection is impossible unless you include imperfections in your definition of perfection which then means perfection isn’t perfect. Therefore if you pursue absolute perfection, you are chasing your tail.
I think this quote, which I could not find a source for, says more in one sentence than anything else you will learn in your lifetime about happiness:
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”
If you cannot find happiness where you are in your life right now, how can you expect to find it anywhere else? Happiness resides in our hearts. A simple act like making ourselves smile makes us feel happier. Doing something productive usually makes us feel happier. Spending time with those who appreciate us, makes us feel happier. Most people find helping others makes them feel happier, I know it makes me happy when I am able to help people who need it.
Look in your heart and ask yourself “what makes me feel truly happy?” Throw out the things that create conflict, are superficial, or might hurt others. Throw out the things that numb you to the pain you have focused on in your life and replace them with the things that make you want to remember those moments forever. Throw out the things that make you feel good without making you happy. Take responsibility for your happiness by pursuing the things that truly make you happy. Allow yourself to be happy no matter the circumstance and you will find yourself in a better world.
I have lived far more comfortably than I do now. I have had wealth in my life. I have had love in my life. I have experienced the joy of parenting. I have had much less worry and strife in my life. However, I have never been closer to happiness than I am now by finding honesty in my self-evaluation and by accepting imperfection as part of life...
Peace of mind cannot be found without forgiveness. Forgive your failures and learn from them. Without self-forgiveness, we are trapped in the pain of our past. Without forgiveness of others, we are trapped in the pain of their mistakes. The past is the past and cannot be changed no matter how hard we try. The future is far more malleable.
“Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” - Charles Dederich, Sr.
Now go out and live life on your terms. Be happy!
Good Journeys my friends! - Dave :)
© 2011 David Stein
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